The one job you shouldn't give a workaholic

I’m coming out of a few month period where I was nose down on a few too many projects at once. Let’s just say it’s been hectic.


When I’m in one of these busy stretches, it can be hard to down shift out of go, go, go mode. The Workaholic in me can settle in and take over—I know when that’s happened when the first thing I do in the morning is check my email on my phone from bed.

Ugh. I hate doing that. I hate how it ramps me up from the moment I wake up. Because once I’m ramped up, it’s hard to make choices that don’t just perpetuate that feeling.

Everyone always wants the hack or the one simple strategy to get out of the pattern of workaholism.

One of my clients last week asked me for that very thing—they were in the middle of a sprint where the endpoint to the project was still weeks out, and they found themselves ignoring themself in order to focus on the project. They were in the mindset that they’d sleep, eat, workout and hangout with their loved ones when they could, but the project had to come first.

I told them how one of my hacks is to set the boundary to not look at email in bed. Waiting until after I’ve at least brushed my teeth and gone to my office in the morning is one way I try to not embody the Workaholic and try to set myself up to make better choices for the rest of my day.

Or how other clients have locked out apps on their phone or computer during certain times so they literally can’t work during a certain windows of time.

I also shared how I once had a client who set the goal for herself that she would not let the big project/sprint times take away from her daily walk. To hold herself to that, she vowed that for every day she didn’t go for a walk she would donate $20 to a cause that goes against everything she believes in.

At the end of the first month of doing this, the disgust she felt the first time she made a couple hundred dollar donation to a cause she thought was vile was enough for her to make sure she got her daily walk in from then on!

My current client thought this last hack was brilliant, and was excited to try it. That’s great, because these hacks and deals and negotiations you make with yourself can be effective for getting a little extra space to make better choices when you’re in the work trenches.

But, as I told my client, be clear that these hacks are only partial fixes at best, and will probably even entirely fail if you don’t address the underlying issue.

The underlying issue is equating the project being complete with getting to be ok. Believing that the tightness you feel in your body, the inability to sleep well or to even get a deep breath will all go away when the project is done.

Because if completion of the sprint is the only way to discharge the extra mobilized energy in your body, it can be weeks and weeks, or months and months, until you get to feel ok again. I don’t know about you, but I’m not down with that.

That’s why nervous system regulation practices are so important—they teach your body and your brain that you can do something like shake or trill your lips to help discharge the energy of dysregulation in the moment.

So yes, I set the boundary to not look at my email in bed, but I also support my ability to honor that boundary by doing small practices throughout my day to address the hyped-up urgency I feel in my body.

The real hack, then, for dismissing workaholic behavior is nervous system regulation. And that’s not a one and done thing—it may take pausing once an hour to do a very short practice so you’re set up to make better choices from a lower rev point in your body.

But the underlying truth that goes with why this is the real hack is this:

Resolution of the work doesn’t = you get to feel ok again

Your warm and resonant presence = you get to feel ok again

Which is to say: fire your Workaholic self from being the one to give you safety, belonging, mattering, rest, joy or ok-ness of any kind. They’re reeeeeeaaaalllly bad at that.

You know who is good at that? YOU, when you’re regulated.

Once you untangle the Workaholic’s skillset—working hard, dedication to a cause, focus, etc—from your ok-ness, you get to dedicate yourself to a cause or a sprint and be focused but not feel tight all the time or have difficulty prioritizing yourself.

Want to know more about simple practices you can do to get back to your regulated self? Check out my Linkedin Learning course called Reduce Stress and Anxiety By Managing Your Nervous System.