A habit for happiness

When I get into busy go mode, I lead with my head. I don’t just mean thinking rather than feeling, I mean literally—I stick my whole head forward like a runner trying to cross the finish line with her chin first.

As you might imagine, it makes my neck and shoulder muscles pretty tense. And just for good measure, I usually clench my jaw, too.

As you might also imagine, this posture and all that muscle tightening makes me feel tense, and I tend to act tense. I get overwhelmed easier. I have a harder time making decisions. I’m impatient.

Sometimes I can catch it in the middle of doing something, and I pull my ears back in line with my shoulders. It’s amazing how quickly the whole world feels more manageable when I do this.

Sometimes I don’t catch it until a half hour or so after I get into bed at night, and instead of having fallen asleep quickly, I find myself unable to sleep despite being tired.

That’s when I notice that my head is not actually resting into my pillow because my neck muscles are ever so diligently still holding the weight of my head.

Sound familiar?

Maybe for you it’s clenching your hands, or hunching your shoulders, or maybe even holding a ball of tension right in the center of your gut.

Maybe you’re doing it right now.

Whatever it is, it’s the thing that your body unconsciously does when your nervous system is revved up and it’s readying itself to fight or flee. 

Given the state of your nervous system, your body is trying to do you a solid for your survival, but given that this mostly happens when our life isn’t in actual threat, this protection mechanism from your body usually just perpetuates feeling stressed and revved up.

This is why one of my main habits for happiness is to check in with my body on a regular basis throughout the day. Partly it’s to be more present and embodied, but partly it’s to see if I’m doing something with my body that is making me worse at whatever I’m wanting for myself in that moment.

I recommend you give it a try. Especially if you know what your holding pattern is when you’re distressed—look for it having snuck in!

Want to hear more about how to do this check in and how it’s a part of growing social and emotional intelligence? Check out this interview I did on Lady Fuller’s radio show, Habits for Happiness.